I love black thongs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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