Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
