I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
