Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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