Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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