no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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