I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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