Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
