and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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