Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
