NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
