I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
