dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
