i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Success! We fucked roommates!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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