Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
