i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
