God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
