So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
