Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
