I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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