I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
