How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
