apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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