Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
