Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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