Whod you bang
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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