ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
