I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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