Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
