So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
