i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize