I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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