Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
