So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
