I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
