Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
