seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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