Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.