kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.