So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.