He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?