drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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