I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
