wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you had me at cake vodka
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
