there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
