that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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