I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
