i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is wine microwaveable?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
