He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
