I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
