I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
