My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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