let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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