So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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