my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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