I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
