Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
