Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
