let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
