and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
