The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
