The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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