God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
