and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
