she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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