I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
