I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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