theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
