My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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