i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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