I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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