ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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