just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
