Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
