I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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