Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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