maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
