Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
