he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
