yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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