why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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