girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
